Seasons in Life

19 Sep

I’m a go-go-go-er. If the sun is up, there is no excuse to be sitting on the couch. The TV is the biggest annoyance in my life. Ask my husband. Or my kids. I move all of the time. And if you’re in my family, I kind of expect you to, too.  Totally not fair if you’re not a go-er, I know.

In my mind I had it all planned – what it would be like when school started.  Cause you see, in the last 5 months I have not gotten any time to myself. At all. Not even a bath with a closed door.  Not a full night sleep without a visitor, not a girl’s night out. Not even church alone with my hubby. (Cora only just started kid church as school started.)  Jen did not exist.  Logan’s mom, Miles’ mom and Cora’s mom did, but not Jen.

“It’s OK!” I told myself time and time again.  Baggy eyes, split end-covered hair, mascara smudged under my eye from the day before.  There will be time for me come September.  And September was my saving grace.  Take every ounce of me, kiddos, cause September is coming!

And now it’s here.

And yet, my hair is still untrimmed (since before we left for Korea), my eyes are still baggy and more often than not, I’m reaching for that pair of sweat pants.  Why is that?  Well, it could be because out of the month of September, we have 10 doctor’s appointments, our 6th visit from our social worker, open house at school, volunteering in Cora’s room and work. Oh work.  How I have neglected you.  For 5 months I have scraped by, needing to work double-duty to catch up.

Where is Jen time?  That time for hair cuts and lunch dates with friends and exercise?  Oh exercise. It’s been a long while.

I started getting down on myself the other day feeling that I was failing…again.  We are our own worst enemy, I think! Don’t you?  I felt guilty that I was throwing in frozen pizza for dinner, that I wasn’t finding 20 minutes to run on the treadmill, that I felt just as tired at 3:00pm when I got the kids from school as I did when the alarm went off.

Where is my reprieve?

But then it hit me! I am in a season. Simply a season!  At this very moment, in this very season, it is not easy for me to find the 20 minutes.  When I have the 20 minutes, have the time I am so tired. Tired from the past 5 months and the year of emotional stress before that.

I am TIRED.  I am depleted.  Zapped out. Empty.

Could exercise help me? Sure, probably.  Would it make me feel better?  I’m betting so.  But instead of putting another “thing” in my path to jump over, I’m letting myself sit in this season right now. This season of….quiet before the storm of after school.  And I’m not going to make myself feel bad anymore.

And after the past 5 months, let me just say that I finally understand the couch! They are made for sitting, aren’t they!? And laying? And napping?  And cuddling with the long lost puppy who hasn’t been in your arms for half a year.

Ah, but just for a moment. As that is all the time I have in this season to enjoy it. The calendar is full, the bus is coming, dinner is to be made. Again. And lunches and snacks. Oh, don’t forget about homework. For 3 children.

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