Do You Remember When…

14 Aug

When we were waiting for Cora, we sent several care packages.  We tried to include things that would help her get to know us better.  A singing photo toy that we all recorded a page on, more photos, a photo pillow case, DVD’s with movies on them, etc… I hoped she was able to watch them and play with them and understand what it all meant, but it was just a hope. I had no idea, of course.

About 5 weeks or so after she had been home, one of the songs we put on one of her video came on the radio. She stopped everything, ran up to me and had a look of pure excitement.  So I picked that girl up and we danced around the room through the whole song.  She hummed the song and I sang it with the radio and it was so very obvious that she had watched it a million times.

The photo frame, too. She knew exactly what we were going to say on each page, the song we’d sing together at the end, all from memory. (Thank you, caretakers!) What’s been crazy is to see her memories come out at random times and with such strength. “Do you remember when….” she’ll say when she sees a toy in a store that we sent her or a picture that we have that we put in a care package. “Do you remember when…” she’ll say as she’s digging through the box of stuff that came home with her.  “Do you remember…” as she’s looking at photos from her orphanage.  We were even at the Dollar Store last week and she found something that her friend Sarah had gotten in a care package and she was so excited to see it!  With the vast amount of language she has comes a vast amount of memories.

  • “Did you miss me in my Amsa?”  Oh my sweet girl. If you only knew what a wreck your mom was due to just how much she missed you! 
  • “It took a long time to come to my Amsa!”  I know! Too long! I wish they let me come sooner. I missed you so much!
  • Did you pray for me in my Amsa?  All of the time! And so did others.  We said, “Thank you Jesus, for my Seung Joo and please keep her happy and safe until we are allowed to go to her.
  • Will I go back to my Amsa? Some day to visit! But not to live. 
  • Why? Because you have your family now in MiGook (America), remember?
  • And Sarah and Avah have families, too.  Yep!
  • And they will not go back to live at Amsa.  Right. They will live with their families.
  • Forever and every day?  Yes!
  • I do not want that. I want to go back to my Amsa.  I want to get my baby Jin **. {One of her best friends} I am so sorry. I know you miss her. We can send her a package or a letter or a movie if you’d like. And we can pray for her.
  • I miss my Jin **.  I know you do. I’m so sorry.
  • Can we go bring Jin ** to be in our family, too?  I wish that we could, Cora. {We can not even think about it as she is not adoptable.}

With the awesome, “Do you remember when….” comes the painful, “I’m REMEMBERING, Mom!”  And with the “I’m Remembering, Mom!” comes the “I never want you to forget!”  And when I sit and think that she is doing so amazingly well (cause, she is!) I’m reminded…painfully reminded, of the pain her her heart from what she left behind. Those who loved her, her friends, her caretakers, the volunteers and teachers and students at school. Her food, her surroundings, her safety.

And now that we’ve been home for 4 months, I stupidly thought that that pain was far less than the beginning, but I realize now, she still has it right in the pit of her heart. The day we celebrated with pure joy that our family was complete was the day that a hole was punched into her heart.  And she knows that. And she can tell me how it feels, that hole in her heart, and I can’t even imagine how much it hurts.

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3 Responses to “Do You Remember When…”

  1. Wendi August 14, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

    Ahhh I need a tear warning!! I am sitting in Avahs opthamology appointment waiting for the doctor and now crying…

    Love your sweet girl!!!:):)

  2. stephanie August 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

    Goodness she is sweet and is so thoughtful and articulate. And you are so in-tune to her and her heart. What a gift she has in you…and you in her, obviously.

  3. Hyun Hee August 15, 2012 at 6:38 am #

    *tears*
    Jin ** LOVE you, too! !♥♥♥

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