Summer blues

24 Jul

Thank you Wendi Emo and Avah See-Eun!

As Cora’s skin is healing, the scabs are falling off and this pink, PINK skin which shouldn’t be at the surface yet is brought up.  It’s painful, it’s hard and this poor girl is starting to be done with this.  Tears are more frequent when we have to “lube” her up with vaseline, wearing clothing hurts, bathing is hard, washing hair is near impossible and we’re all over avoiding the sun.  I cringe when I touch her or pick her up praying I don’t hit a super painful patch.  She can’t even go to the bathroom without me carefully pulling down her bottoms to avoid bumping into her “ouchies”.  The ouchies that go from knees to face. TONS of ouchies.

If I had these ouchies, can I say, I’d be a MESS! A wreck! Crying constantly. She’s so strong.

My “I think I’m doing a good job balancing all three kids feelings” has been shown to be a failure with conversations I’ve had with the boys who are feeling like it’s all about Cora this entire summer and as much as I’d like to say otherwise, it pretty much all is. They get it and they get why it has to be this way, and they’re not angry or bitter or feeling anything negative toward Cora, but they are feeling overlooked.  And that hurts.

They want to go to the zoo and the water park and mini-golfing and all of the things that families do in the summer. Instead we’re going to dermatology and genetics and ophthalmology and cardiology.  It’s not summer fun. And we can’t even spend the days at the free pool because of Cora’s skin. Though they DESPERATELY want to.

I look in this boy’s eyes and remember when he was my baby just 3 months ago.
He’s not used to another one who needs me more than he does.

I’m not sure how to give all three what they need to feel confident in their love.
Today we took this guy to camp for 3 nights.
Last year at camp, Miles went to “Grandma camp”. I so wanted to take the younger two and spend a night or two at Grandma camp, but alas, our social worker is visiting and the next day we have 3 doctor’s appointments. I’m kind of feeling, “Poor Miles” right now.  But I’m also feeling “Poor Cora”. How do you balance? How do you give them all what they need when it takes away part of what another one needs?

And what about what I need? HA! That was a joke. I need nothing but secure children who know they are loved. Well, I lie, I need groceries. Lots of them right now, sadly. Ask Dave…he’ll tell you. In fact while you’re asking him, ask Dave if he wants to pick them up for me.

 

 

 

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4 Responses to “Summer blues”

  1. Wendi July 24, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    (((HUGS))) I am serious if I were there I would give you a big hug.

    I am so glad she liked her blanket. Avah twisted and twisted and twisted and twisted… Then I untwisted and untwisted and untwisted and then tied.;) but she worked so hard! Mia too.

    Praying for you, your sweet girl, your boys and Dave!!!

  2. Addie July 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    I find that this is one thing that most adoptive families need but no one ever picks up on – taking the kids out. Oh, how I wished someone had volunteered to take my kids out for a little bit when we adopted – it would have been so easy, but such a big deal… sometimes I wish adoption wasnt so hard, but I guess thats what makes the victory so sweet.

  3. Michelle July 25, 2012 at 1:03 am #

    I wish more than ANYTHING I lived close enough to bring you tons of groceries and take your boy to the pool, or do a craft with Cora while you take your boy to the pool.

    BIG HUGS xoxo

  4. stephanie July 25, 2012 at 2:56 am #

    ((hugs)) It is so hard. And you are in an especially hard place. Since I don’t live close enough to do anything in a tangible way, I will lift you up in prayer. That He strengthens you and guides you and feeds your mommy soul with what you need.
    (P.S. I have totally procrastinated bringing sweet Cora’s package to the post office, but it is on my high-priority list for tomorrow. *sigh* Sorry.)

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