In such a good place

9 Jun

All of a sudden, in the last week or so, things have really seemed to start clicking into place.  Cora’s personality is shining through (she is SO funny), the boys are getting used to the whole “three” instead of “two”, quibbles are finally happening (especially with Miles) due to her just feeling like she belongs (really, it’s a good thing) and I’m feeling less and less stressed and overwhelmed.

I once heard a friend say, “2 kids is plenty, 3 kids feels like 20.”  And it kind of freaked me out.  And that’s when a newborn is thrown into the mix. When you have an infant, you get to just gradually go from a stationary kid who over months, learns to move and have an opinion.We were just thrown a running, jumping, opinionated, hungry, emotional being who already had her own thoughts, needs, history and language.  I’m shocked we got to this point without crashing!

But we did! Oh we did.  And SHE did. Dave and I were talking about it yesterday…things seem to be starting to feel somewhat normal! A new normal, but normal.  We’re in a good spot!  The boys are done with school as of today and we’re headed into summer with a list of fun, free local summer activities. Hiking, geo-cashing (??), swimming, camping in the back yard, etc…

We’ve really adhered to the advice we read in so many books and given by our social worker about “cocooning” and limiting visitors, keeping our day’s outings to a minimum, etc…and we’re starting to emerge from that cocoon, (together 2 months on the 12th!) but I’m still so hesitant because it’s working. It’s totally 100% working.

But I have also been feeling bad for my kids who haven’t had more than 2 playdates in 8 weeks.  And we’re just not at a place yet where we’re doing the million playdates yet.  I try to tell myself that this time is about family bonding and in the fall, when school is back in, things will look so different and there is nothing wrong with a summer filled with family fun instead of calling kid after kid to come play.  Right? Am I right? (They’re not going to lose their friends, right?)

She’s teaching me so many words in Korean like a little Soon-Say-Nim should. She thinks it’s funny and is so patient when I try to repeat. She gently corrects me with a smile in her eye and when I say it right, she tells me, “good job, mom!” But you can tell she is laughing on the inside.

I haven’t laughed as much as I have in the past 2 months in my lifetime, I don’t think.  I’ve had to jump back into the role of “mommy play with me” vs. “Mom, we’re going to go play” and that has been an adjustment, but as I said, I am starting to feel like I never passed this stage, even though I have.  Gears in reverse and stopped at a great place.

The bummer is the reality that likely lies ahead of us.  I told Dave that it wasn’t fair (it’s not) and how I wish we could grab onto the kite tails of all of this “good” and float for awhile. We’re going to the best we can.  We’re making a little bit of changes on the chance that her biopsies will indeed come back cancerous.  We all are sporting new rash guard swim shirts with SPF in them and Cora and I got new summer hats.  She’s cuter in hers than I am in mine. 😉

We’re just making family changes that don’t speak that she’s the one who needs changes. And really, if you know me, you know how crazy I am about the sun and sun care anyway, so it’s all good. 😉  Biopsies in a little over a week. Until then, we’re hanging on to the good!

Cora’s understaning our boundries more and more and is starting to learn what we accept and what we don’t.  Her shutdowns are getting less and less and she’s rebounding so much faster than she was even 2-3 weeks ago. All in less than 2 months.  Loving that!

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