Angry again…

17 Mar

Oh boy.  I’m like a crazy these days. And I say crazy with all respect, because I know how hard it is to be a crazy. It is HARD, people.  The ups and the downs. They really are hour-by-hour.  And at this moment, I’m angry.

Because instead of Cora coming home in Jan or early Feb (I’m not even going to go down the normal SWS 7-10 weeks that would have brought her home in August.  OK, I think I just went there.) here it is mid-March.  We can all say in God’s timing, and sure, yes, in God’s timing. And I may see the big picture when she gets home, but in my opinion, there is NO reason for this.

And because it’s mid-March, I had to be the crazy doll person on Cora’s kindergarten day.  We got a great idea from a friend on facebook to bring a doll along, but we took the idea a bit further thinking we could make a school photo album to help Cora see her school.

The teacher literally put a name tag on the doll, people.

Luckily she knew me and was M’s teacher, but I swear the new parents had their crazy radar beeping loudly at them.

The took our picture in front of the wall where the kids were getting THEIR pictures taken.  I heard one teacher say, “Their daughter isn’t here yet, so they are doing this for her.”   Killed.me.
And if you look past the glasses, you will see the tears.

And I’m ANGRY because every day that they are not letting her spend with us is a day longer that it will take to bond with us. A day longer that it will take for her to start to know us and love us. A day less to spend with just me before the boys are home for the summer.

I’ve been seeing different status updates on facebook over the months, and one talked about the anniversary of the child being home one day longer than this child was in Korea. Someone said they read that that’s how long it took for that child to fully be attached as a member of their family. Now, whether that is true or not doesn’t matter.  It just added 2 years onto it if it is true though.

There is also talk of children getting expedited due to age and needs and I am SO SO SO SO glad for them. I really am! Because who wants a child to wait a day longer than necessary?  But then I think, “Why not Seung Joo? Why couldn’t they expedite her before they ran out of EP’s?”  My agency advocated for her to my Korean agency, but they wouldn’t. And that makes me angry.

I’m done mourning the loss of the 4’s. Now I’m at the point that I am just so angry that time is ticking by. Day after day after day.  Month after month after month.  In 4 days, it will be 9 months since we were officially matched with Coralie.

This Monday will be two weeks since they allowed EP’s to be submitted.  They said to allow up to two weeks.  There were 120 kids submitted (That number is flying around. I’m not 100% sure on its accuracy.) NO eps have been approved yet.

You tell me, do you really think that they are going to say on Monday that 120 kids are all getting EP’s?  I’m thinking not.  I’m not thinking we are going to hear anything on Monday and I am ANGRY at the idea that another delay might be around the corner.

Just PLEASE let me bring my sweet Seung Joo home.
We need her home.

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5 Responses to “Angry again…”

  1. Nora March 17, 2012 at 12:08 am #

    Oy. Lady, I so *feel* you on this. And you have earned the right to be angry. So much love to you and Coralie. SO MUCH.

  2. Dizzy March 17, 2012 at 12:40 am #

    This post had me tearing up right with you!! No words will help, so instead Im sending a cyber hug from Norway xx (norskmummy on Holt bb)

  3. Tracy March 17, 2012 at 1:03 am #

    Being angry is ok in this circumstance!!!

  4. Shasamdrew March 17, 2012 at 2:00 am #

    This is hard, but your time and Coralie’s is coming!!!! Let’s see what Monday brings….hang in there. {{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}

  5. Addie March 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    Thinking of you often… I remember this stage – getting to a breaking point where you think you just cant take anymore – its not fair b/c you have a child’s life at stake and if everyone else knew that then they might be in a little bit more of a hurry. I wish I had some great advice for you, I really do. If it makes a difference, when we were adopting our son, it was shortly after this “breaking point” that we got our travel dates, although yes, we did miss his birthday by one week – killed me, but we made it… we made it, and you will too… even if it doesnt feel like it today. Big hugs

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