You see, the thing is…

16 Feb

is it is the never-ending cycle of unknown.

Let me just acknowledge this.  Yes, 8 months of waiting (9 from the time we got Cora’s file) is not a crazy time to wait. I get that. (I’m talking to a particular person here. Acknowledging it for you. You are right..)  I know that in Haiti right now, it’s about a year and a half.  In Ethiopia, it’s a crazy unknown time, too.  I get it. But Korea isn’t Africa. Korea isn’t Eastern Europe. Korea isn’t a nation pummeled by recent disaster.  Korean adoption has been consistent and pretty easy to follow for decades.  Even when the EP quota went into effect, the process was easy to figure out.

But now, those of us who are in the process only waiting for Korea to allow us to come are on this unknown path.  Because this is not normal. This hasn’t happened in the past.

When the new year hits, the new year’s quota is set and the Korean agencies are allowed to submit a “batch” of children. Yet, because the Ministry has yet to even allow them to submit, we wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY hoping for news.  And, so far, it’s Feb 16th now, that’s 47 days of waking up EVERY SINGLE DAY hoping for news. Any news. Any contact from our agency. A glimmer of hope? A rumor? A sign that even though OUR agency hasn’t contacted us, someone elses agency contacted them.  ANYTHING.  And,, nothing has happened.  Sure, lots of rumors, but what are rumors?

The latest rumor was passed around early Feb.  “It’s going to be MID-FEBRUARY!!!”  So, all of the families waiting hunkered down and waited.  Starting about the 10th, hopes were back up again.  It’s now the 17th in Korea and the “mid” – the 15th – came without news.

So what does one do when day after day they wake up hoping to hear something and then they don’t.  How does one keep hoping? How does one keep their spirits high?  How does one continue all of the mundane things in life with the knowledge of the ticking of the clock of your child’s life is going.  How does one not get deeply saddened that the reason that their child is not coming home is for no real reason.  The reason of, “We’re busy with other things right now. So busy that we aren’t processing adoptions.” Is that a reason?

Because if you’ve been riding along with us, you’ll know that we should have and COULD have brought Cora home last summer.  But they met their quota for the year so everything stopped.  And then, all of a sudden when things could have started again, the were too busy? Really?

How am I feeling right now?  It changes by the hour.  As I’m writing this, I’m ANGRY! Cora’s living in an orphanage! Let’s be real here, it’s a wonderful orphanage, but she’s in an ORPHANAGE!  Why!? She has a family dying for her to join them.  She is LOVED and her future is here. I’m ANGRY that political red tape has kept us from her for her entire 4’s.  I’m ANGRY that Sarah’s mom is mourning the fact that she’s probably going to miss Sarah’s 5th birthday.  She should NOT have to miss her birthday.

And I’m ANGRY that my daughter has been waiting for 5 YEARS for us.  I’m angry that she couldn’t have been matched, after waiting for 4+ years, and united with her family.  I’m ANGRY that even though she waiting for 4 years, she had to wait another year. We had babies coming home at 7 months old last year! Not many, but some from my agency! 7 MONTHS! Cora will be 5 in less than 2 months.

I’m SAD that our agency told another mom that Sarah and Cora were having a hard time with the wait. Of course they are.  I’m sad for my boys who continue to have the carrot dangled in front of them, yet, they just can’t ever reach it.  I’m sad that Miles has asked me probably 100 times if we can go to Korea today and every day, I have to say no.  And I’m sad for me.  Because I’m sad.  And for Dave because he is the one who has the pressure of everything on his shoulders.

But, this is the unknown when it comes to adoption. And, because I KNOW someone who has adopted before will tell me that in either a comment, email or in person, I’m just saying it upfront.  Adoption=unknown.  (Unless you were lucky enough to adopt from Korea and get matched in a month that had EP’s. Just sayin’.)


2 Responses to “You see, the thing is…”

  1. Shasamdrew February 16, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

    Hugs to you and your family! My heart breaks for all of you that are waiting!! I am so hoping that February brings some movement for the EPs…even if it’s not mid-February.

  2. Carrie February 16, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

    I sitting right next to you on the anger bus… You, however, paid a lot more for your ticket than I did. Cora needs to be home now!… I am so so sorry for you and your family and your little girl.

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