What Little Brains Pick Up

3 Feb

Dave and I try to talk about the grown-up part of our adoption privately and leave the kid-friendly parts of the adoption up for conversation, but try as we may, it’s amazing what we’ve seen Miles pick up and talk about.

Just the other night I was giving him a haircut and he said he wanted a Mohawk.  My kids didn’t really hit the jackpot when it came to their hair. Logan has stick-straight, fall in your face hair with no bend, no curve, no body.  Thus he wears it long. He looks much better with longer hair. Miles on the other hand has a bit of body, bend and volume, but looks much better with short hair. He loves buzz cuts.

I told him he could have the Mohawk as long as he knew A: it’s winter – winter hats are not conducive to Mohawks.  There will be no gel even trying to make that 1 inch “strip” do anything.  And B: he can not go to Korea with a Mohawk.

He said, “It’s OK! When we get our travel call, you can cut it.”

Travel call isn’t grown up, I know.  It’s a frequent term in adoption, though, and to hear him use it as a normal phrase just made my heart smile.  We usually say, “When they call us and tell us that Cora’s papers are ready, we can go!”  I don’t *think* we’ve used the phrase “travel call” often, but it flew out of his mouth like any other word he’s said a million times in his life.

One day we were driving around, running an errand and we were talking about Korea and our trip there, as we frequently do.  Miles said “Will our hotel have beds?”  You see, he knows that Cora doesn’t sleep in a bed, but on the floor, in traditional Korean form.  I said, “Yep!”  He said, “Like REAL beds, mom. Not like mats on the floor.  Like real, real beds.”  I assured him that we would have real, real beds.  I thought he was concerned about how he was going to sleep when he was in Korea.  I was so wrong.

“If they have REAL beds in hotels, why can’t Seung Joo just go stay there until we come.” <— sweet, sweet brother love.

Since we started this adoption, Miles has really struggled with the idea of adoption – as in, making the decision to put your baby up for adoption.  We’ve heard him mumble questions such as, “How can you give up your baby?” We’ve talked to him multiple times about some of the reasons why people choose adoption and how we love Cora’s birth parents so very much. 

We have talked about how we wish Cora could have grown up with her birth parents and we’ve talked about how it is a very hard thing for a 7-year-old to understand, but that he would some day.  We encourage him to ask questions and have conversations about it.  We reassure him that he will not ever be put “up for adoption”, as he seems to have a real genuine fear about that. (Advice, btdt parents?)

Last one: We were sitting in the van waiting for Logan and some of his friends to get done from an after school club.

“Mom, I bet Cora misses her mommy.  And I bet her mommy misses her.”  Just out of the blue.  *sigh*

“I bet you’re right, buddy.”

There are so many parts to adoption that we think of as adults but when our little people show us signs of the questions they have, the things that are hard for them to understand, it sure makes you pause.

Nothing easy in adoption, that’s for sure.


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