February 1st – Another Mirage? {edited with an update}

31 Jan

Disclaimer: Yes, I know I might sound like Eeyore here. But I claim this space as my own. It’s my space to vent, moan, groan, celebrate, cry, throw things….etc.  (I’ve really never thrown anything before, I promise. 😉 )  If you’re OK with Eeyore, read on.  But if you’re looking for happy Elmo, you won’t find him here today. You might want to come back another day.  

{Mirage is right. No submission allowed. Feb 1st has come and gone and we are no closer to bringing home Cora.}

As a reminder, the Korean Government is not allowing adoption cases to be processed yet in 2012.  Even though we “met” Seung Joo in May and formally accepted her into our family in June, their yearly quota had been filled already, so we knew we had to wait for 2011 to slowly pass by in anticipation of January 2012.  We greeted the new year with MUCH anticipation.

Today is the last day of January and there has yet to be any adoptions submitted for process.  Rumors were passed around that they wanted the month of Jan to work on “other things” and they would start again Feb 1st.  I won’t lie, I’m growing weary. Weary down to my bones. Do you know how hard it is to wait for some certain date out in the far future and then have it pass by? (Jan 1st)  Do you know what it’s like to leave an email or a voicemail with your agency and have them ignore your request for encouragement?  Do you know what it’s like to know that February 1st is in less than 24 hours but your heart is so scarred that it doesn’t know how to be full of anticipation anymore.

I think the thing is that it’s just a constant stream of:

  • “Look forward to Jan 1st, baby!”
  • “Oh, sorry, not Jan 1st, but maybe the 2nd!”
  • “Well, OK, not the 2nd either, but the week isn’t over!”
  • “Well, it wasn’t this week, but Monday is a new week! New submissions next week!!”
  • “Well, they didn’t start on Monday, but Monday is a hard day for everyone….maybe the wanted to wait for TUESDAY!”
  • “Well the Lunar New Year is coming up, maybe they just wanted to wait until AFTER the celebrations.”
  • “The celebrations are over, things MUST get rolling now!”
  • “So, they didn’t.  But January is almost over, so let’s bring on Feb 1st!”

Let’s be real! My heart can’t take any more dates off in the future.  How many times can you wake up with anticipation and go to sleep with frustration but a desire to wake up the next day with anticipation?  I think I’m hit MY quota! There is no Feb 1st date written in stone. Our agency has not said that the Korean agencies were specifically told Feb 1st, so who knows where that date came from.  Maybe it IS real, but maybe it’s not.

This last month has by far and away been the hardest month of the wait to date.  We were certain that we were going to get submitted for EP in Jan and it’s just another month that has come and, after today, gone.

My heart is literally broken for the families who accepted their children into their family much later than ours.  There are some families who accepted in Nov and Dec 2010 who have not traveled yet. They are with another agency in Korea that is so backlogged due to the quota.  Families who are working through that agency who accepted a referral after Sept of 2011 know they won’t even travel until 2013.  They need prayer.

I’m mourning the fact that my Korean agency is the one known for being super speedy but was unable to process my SeungJoo in that super speedy way. I want to be full of grace, but I’m finding it hard lately to be that graceful waiter.

I’m clinging to this: Isaiah 41:13 – For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

I’m not full of anticipation for tomorrow. I’m not desperately waiting for the clock to strike midnight tonight.  I’m pacing myself for the unknowns that the morning will bring.  I could really use your prayers and good thoughts.

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12 Responses to “February 1st – Another Mirage? {edited with an update}”

  1. Christine January 31, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

    Jen, you are constantly in my thoughts. I wish I knew the right words to say. I hope things start moving again very soon. Until then, know that you are not alone. ((Hugs))

    • Jen January 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

      Thanks Christine. ❤ ❤

      ________________________________

  2. Tracy January 31, 2012 at 4:09 pm #

    Praying for you and the whole stinky process. (((hugs))) I am ok with Eeyore!

    • Jen January 31, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

      Praying for you and Simon, too, Tracy!

  3. Grace P. January 31, 2012 at 4:27 pm #

    So well said. I’m right there with you. I can’t even anticipate anymore as I don’t think my heart can take the disappointment.

    • Jen January 31, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

      We can keep each other afloat, Grace. ❤

  4. Carrie January 31, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

    Beautifully stated my dear… I am looking at all items I’ve collected to pack for Korea in the corner of my room. We got our 18 month WBC and photos yesterday and for the first time I actually felt dread instead joy or anticipation. I can’t imagine how you feel waiting for Cora. She is beautiful. Here’s to good news coming soon… And and friendly shoulder to cry on if it does not…
    Juno’s momma

    • Jen January 31, 2012 at 5:54 pm #

      exactly, Carrie. I hope Juno comes home, too. Digging the name. 😉 I pray you have exactly the same shoulder. ❤ ❤

  5. amy January 31, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    (((HUGS)))) to you and your family.

    • Jen January 31, 2012 at 5:54 pm #

      Thanks, my friend.

  6. stephanie January 31, 2012 at 7:39 pm #

    There just are no words. Each time I read your blog I grow weary…and that’s just reading it..not living it like you are. I am so sorry for the uncertainty you are facing. She NEEDS to come home. You need her to come home. And so we pray. And wait. And pray.
    Praying you feel the prayers of your friends today and in the days ahead!!

  7. Kimberly Berg January 31, 2012 at 7:44 pm #

    Hi Jen, I’ve been following your blog recently. I have two adopted daughters from Seoul who are now 3 and a half (they’re twins), and it will be their 3 year homecoming anniversary this March. I remember very well how difficult it was waiting for them to come home though. We accepted their referral in October of 2008 and brought them home in March of 2009, so we were extremely fortunate that we made it through the process just before everything slowed down incredibly. However, prior to choosing to adopt from Korea, we were well into the process with China. We were told in 2006 that China adoptions went like clockwork and we would be bringing home a little girl within 14-16 months. Two years later we received a phone call from our agency that was the worst possible news we could imagine! Our 14 month wait had now increased to a 6 year wait, or longer, which means we still had at least another 4 years to go. I was so devastated! It was like being told that we were never going to bring our little girl home (even though we had no picture of her yet, we had lots of pictures in our minds and visions of the future), but so much could happen in 4 years and it made me realize that there were no guarentees and this was completely out of our control. That’s when we made the decision to do a concurrent adoption through Korea. We kept our dossier in china and proceeded to adopt from Korea as well. We NEVER in our wildest dreams imagined that we would be bringing home twins from Korea one year later. Anyway, I totally get the pain of waiting and not knowing…there are so many unknowns and adoption is truely a journey of faith. The good news tht I can give you today is that when we finally got to meet our daughters for the first time and bring them home, everything that we didn’t understand before all made sense and the whole “In God’s Timing” thing all became vividly clear. As difficult as it is, trust in knowing that this will all happen in God’s perfect timing for you and for your little girl…it may not make sense now, or even for a long time, but one day it will. I will pray for you and for your precious little girl, along with all of the waiting families who have to endure the pain of waiting. God will bless you.

    In Christ,
    Kimberly

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