Where We’re At

20 Jan

It’s January 20th, and the Korean Government has yet to process any adoptions this year.  In past years, they had started submitting and approving EP’s by this date and some families had gotten travel calls even. We haven’t even been submitted.

One of the US agencies who doesn’t use our Korean agency told their clients that the Government has announced that they are too busy making changes in the adoption laws to allow submissions to begin. They will start in Feb.  Our agency has not confirmed that with us.

Our agency has made a plea on the behalf of the children matched with their clients to begin allowing the children to be processed and come home.

My mood changes daily – actually, many times a day.  I had dinner with some friends on Tuesday and I said I felt peace.  And it’s easier to feel peace when you’re not waiting for a certain date on the calendar to come.  That date, January 2nd, passed 18 days ago and who knows what the new date is.  I’m not banking on February 1st. My heart can’t take it.

And while I did feel peace on Tuesday, today is Friday, and today I’m feeling sad.  When we got Cora’s file back in May, she had been 4 years old for only 1 month. Now, we wonder if we will see her 4’s at all.  It’s just a number, I know, but my favorite year of all, to date with both of my kids and we’re missing all of it with Cora. I know, she’ll likely be a younger “5”, she’ll regress, she’ll not really likely be like all of the 5 year olds who didn’t grow up in an orphanage that I know. And that the 4’s I had.  It’s a mental thing, age 4, and I’m missing all of it.

I almost feel like I can not type the words that come next.  Our agency said that though they didn’t know, the think we could likely travel in March. I pray it’s in February.  We’re missing out on so very much of Cora’s life already. You might think the extra days and weeks, in the long run, are not much more, but let me tell you they are.

I need to have Cora home so I can spend the day being her mommy.  We can play dress up and have tea parties and work on our english.  I need to comb her hair and paint her nails and read her stories. I need to rock with her, sing with her and dance with her.  I need time while the boys are in school to do so many of the things that I missed out on in her life before she is swept away into the daily life of elementary school.  I need her home.

It’s been 8 months since we had our first glimpse into the life of Seung Joo.  8 months since we opened that huge file and started our research. 8 months since we started contacting doctors, started staring into those eyes and started wondering if this was our daughter.  8 months since we started talking with the kids, talking with our family and talking with God.

8 months since we were joyous that sweet Seung Joo was with the agency that takes only 8ish weeks to process adoptions.  8 months ago when we had a bit of hope that they would process her quickly due to her age. They did with my friend Wendi and her sweet Mia. And Mia was 2 1/2 years old. 7 weeks from her acceptance paperwork to travel. In fact, they traveled to get Mia while we had Seung Joo’s file in our hands.  So we just barely missed the cutoff.

And now, we’re approaching February with no end in sight. Not feeling that peace today. Feeling sad and frustrated and really just want to get on an airplane and knock on the door of the Ministry and ask them nicely, “Can I just take her home?”

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4 Responses to “Where We’re At”

  1. Diana January 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    Oh Jen my heart breaks for you and your family. I can only imagine what this must feel like for you. I’m keeping little Cora in my thoughts and hoping for good news. Xoxo

  2. stephanie January 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm #

    I just have no words…but I know your heart is breaking and disappointed and wondering and weary. The uncertainty is just so, so very hard. It’s okay to not be at peace every day and at every moment. God is big enough for all of your emotions. Will continue to pray, pray, pray.

  3. Wendi January 20, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    I am so sorry Jen!!! She needs to come home. NOW! This is ridiculous! Praying!!!!

  4. Lori Davis January 29, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    Hugs, hugs, hugs.

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