Changing Our Expectations

12 Jan

The news isn’t encouraging, people.
It’s not promising.
It’s all up in the air and we continue to wait. 
Float on that raft
in the middle of the ocean.
“This has never happened before” in a program that has been thriving and, more than most programs, predictable is concerning.

What encourages me is that God knows. He has a plan. I trust His plan, even when I forget for a moment that I do.

I am encouraged by my husband.
I am encouraged by my sons.
I am encouraged by the support of my family.
I am encouraged by the faith of my fellow waiters.
I am encouraged by Sarah Mercy’s mom.
I am encouraged by Seung Joo’s other little friend’s mom who will be formally announced as soon as possible.

I am encouraged by those who are in this wait, too, and yet still find a way to encourage.

Of of my fellow waiters shared her thoughts on the situation. I changed the boy words to girl words.

—————————-

We are at a very bumpy point of the “adoption rollercoaster” right now.

There are a lot of unknowns, but what I know is this:
I love the girl who will hopefully one day soon become my daughter with all my heart.
I’m NOT entitled, based on anything legal or my emotional investment, to lay claim on her.
I would be overjoyed to have her home now. I’d love to at least have assurance that she will come home soon.
I DON’T know for certain that those things will happen.
I don’t have any concrete reason to believe they won’t.
Uncertainty is difficult.
Speculating about all the “bad things that might happen” makes me crazy.
I need to be a sane and happy parent and spouse for my family who is here with me now.
That to which we give attention grows.

So, that leaves me with the task of cultivating zen amist chaos.
Of remaining centered when things seem out of control.
Of nurturing my patience as best as I can.

——————–

So that’s where we sit. We sit and trust God’s timing and look to each other for encouragement.

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5 Responses to “Changing Our Expectations”

  1. Wendi January 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    Tears!!
    And I am encouraged by the little girl, Cora SeungJoo who sits with my daughter and tells what it’s like to have a family. And what it’s like to go through the waiting for an Omma and Appa. What’s it like to have hope. My little one is watching and listening so intently to Cora who cant wait to have a bed.. A real bed. And after Cora and Sarah are gone… A call will come and my little one will know… I am going to a place just like Cora has been telling me about all these months. I’m sure she will think I hope my Omma is as pretty as Sarah and Cora’s Omma. But I know she will be thinking…. I have a family just like my friends!!!!

    I am encouraged by you Jen… So encouraged. The girls will come home and we will meet and get them together and they will play and laugh and have sleep overs!!

    Sooner than Later!!! ((((Hugs))))

  2. Grace P. January 12, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

    Jen and Wendi – it’s been a privilage and blessing to have you girls to go through this journey together with. Though the waiting times are tough, God is forging a deep friendship between us that as our girls grow up we can truly raise them as family! =)

    • Jen January 12, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

      YES, Grace! I read a part of a book about Korean adoptees and these 2 young adults, late teens, maybe? they lived in the same orphanage and they felt they were “soul sisters”, that their bond ran deeper than friends. I forsee that with our three, as well. It’s a big responsibility on our part, and I’m honored to be thought of by God as able and up for the job.

  3. stephanie January 13, 2012 at 2:57 am #

    Oh, Jen. This is all so maddening. I am so sorry about all the uncertainty you are facing. I pray that God will strengthen and encourage you and that the roadblocks will be removed…bringing that sweet, perfect daughter of yours H. O. M. E.

  4. Kelly Raudenbush January 17, 2012 at 9:02 pm #

    Love the encouragement here for waiting families. Would love to use it in part or as a whole on We Are Grafted In – email me if you are interested!
    Kelly

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