And Still, We Wait.

7 Oct

I look at this face and I see the face of my daughter.  A daughter that I have never met yet, but one that I know so deep in my heart.  And I’m just going to be honest, the path to her is long and lonely and really, really hard.  It’s as if there is a path through the woods that is nicely set up, no logs in the way, no boulders to go around, the path that you want to be on when you’re walking through the woods.

But Seung Joo is not on this path.  She’s smack dab in the middle of the woods.  She’s behind logs and boulders.  There are hills and valleys in our path to her.  She’s sitting on a branch in a super high tree that Dave and I have to climb, but we don’t know how to climb up the tree, so it’s hard, we fall, we scrape our knees (our heart!) and we try again.  We fall exhausted and hope to gain strength to try a different route the next day.  But there isn’t a different route. There is one path.  And it’s not the path that everyone else’s children are waiting.  Some children ARE waiting for them on that nice paved path.  Our little SJ is not.

So, we pursue.  We fight the good fight because she is our daughter. And she needs us and we need her.

To refresh your memory, we are waiting for SJ’s legals.  Her papers that show she is legally able to be adopted.  We can not adopt her without those.  We need those papers to file our final form in the US to make the adoption a possibility here. Without them, we can not adopt her. They are critical.

Typically they come either with the referral, shortly after acceptance and sometimes, in rare circumstances, they come 4 to 6 and sometimes up to 8 weeks after acceptance.

I talked about our wait for them here, when we had been waiting for 6 weeks.  I also talked about them here, when we had been waiting for them for 11 weeks.  2 weeks ago we had a conversation with our agency about our anxiety over waiting for them for so long.  Our director requested them again and then said we would talk again in 2 weeks.  Today.

As of today, we have been waiting for our legals for 14 weeks 2 days.

We’ve been told that SJ will very likely be in the first batch to come home as early as late January (though we’re still thinking Feb to cushion the heart.)  And though things seem to be moving quickly through USCIS as of late, they do say it can take up to 90 days to get the i600 approval the US side of things needs to proceed.
There are 86 days until Jan 1st.  Do you see the problem here? Can you see how with each passing day, fear creeps into our minds.  We talked about it in detail in the comments of the 11 week waiting freakout and I got some good replys to make me feel more confident in our adoption.

This morning, our agency called Dave. (Praise God they called Dave and not me.) They received a package from our Korean agency today! YAY! However, SJ’s legals were not in the package.  WHAT!?

Dave asked, how often do they send packages? Weekly? Monthly? Every other month? Quarterly? Her response is that there is no routine delivery. They just send things when they send things.  There are only 7 families, ours included, waiting to travel to our Korean agency, so I’m thinking that they packages don’t come frequently.  “I’d bet they’d be in the next package” is what our agency said.

So how am I feeling today? I’ll let you guess. Trying SO SO SO hard to remain positive and trying, as Violet’s mom so perfectly said in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, “Keep your eye on the prize!” My “prize” is my complete family with all of the members living under one roof.  My beautiful daughter! Trying to stay focused on that.  Praying fervently that the legals will come soon.  But do you know how long 14 weeks and 2 days feels when you almost feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop?  I wouldn’t be feeling any anxiety close to how I’m feeling if I had the confidence that these papers would bring. Praying this doesn’t delay our traveling by even a single day.

But really, I’m feeling like I could drown my sorrow in a big piece of chocolate cake.  And a big mug of pumpkin coffee.  I see people out and about and they all ask the same thing (because they care! I know! I’d ask the same thing, too!) “How’s the adoption coming?” Or, “Any word on your daughter?”

I’m thinking they probably would look at my a little crazy if I said, “No word. (Really, I’ve yet to get a SINGLE update from our agency. Not one.) No legals. Losing hope. But I’m still hopeful. Eating too much junk. Drinking way too much coffee. Sweatpants and ponytails are my friend. I’m afraid. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m trying not to cry at the moment, so let’s not talk about the adoption, let’s talk about something that is going on in your life instead. And please don’t look at my clothes, hair or eyebrows that are in desperate need of a wax.”

 

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11 Responses to “And Still, We Wait.”

  1. Stephanie October 7, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    Wishing I could up and meet you for coffee this afternoon…or breakfast tomorrow morning…or a walk in the evening. Something. I wish I could be there in person to hug you and let you pour out your heart some more…because I know all too well how necessary it is to just purge it all sometimes.
    I have no idea why you have to go through such uncertainty for such a long time with no end in sight. I have no idea why you are facing such a huge roadblock to bringing your daughter home. But I DO know that you do not face it alone. God is more powerful that some lost legals. He has his eye on them…and you…and Cora. He is able to work all of this heartache and uncertainty for good. Unfortunately, on this side of the obstacle, it is nearly impossible to even guess what that may be…but I am certain that your story will be one of God’s provision and peace and leading.
    Hugs to you, my friend.

    • jenadk October 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm #

      Stephanie, if you were my neighbor, my life would be so good. Your friends and neighbors are so lucky to have you. Your constant encouragement when you are in your own trudges never cease to amaze me. I feel your long-distance hugs and I squeeze you right back.

  2. Grace P. October 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

    Oh Jen…you KNOW I’m praying that those legals come soon! Did they give you guys an estimate at all??? I wish I could drive up there right now and go eat some chocolate cake and coffee with you too…I’m in need of some of that too. Maybe we can meet in Chicago halfway and drown our sorrows at the Cheesecake factory? =)

    • jenadk October 7, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

      No estimate, Grace. There has never been an estimate. They have no idea. They “bet they’ll be in the next package”. Tell me, do you take comfort in that “bet”? I’m not so much.

  3. my3busyboys October 7, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    Hang in there Jen. Wished I lived down the street and I would come over and hug you and cry with you. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, experience, gone through. Stay strong, keep praying, they will come. Soon.

    • jenadk October 7, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

      Alison, know what I think is sweet, you posted at 6 weeks that you were certain they were on their way and here you are 8 weeks later saying the same thing. Thank you for your constant positive thoughts! ❤

  4. donna October 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

    Patience grasshopper….. the waiting is the hardest part! I know you say you’re losing hope, but I know you all too well. You’re just anxious my dear to get this done. With adoption, we are all at the mercy of the beurocracy of foreign delays and holdups that make no sense to us. Few people do adoption without a glitch. My aunt’s niece has been waiting 4 years to adopt from China. As far as the agencies go, pfffft. I’m not a big fan of agencies, that why I picked Ukraine!!

  5. jenadk October 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    I’m also sure she knows this, but there are many, many, many darling kiddos at http://www.RainbowKids.com and TONS of them are from China. My Cora was listed there! ❤

  6. Donna October 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm #

    BTW, Dr. Weil said coffee is good, and as we all know, chocolate has antioxidants! Go crazy and divulge in a nice big piece of gluten free chocolate cake and a steaming hot cup of coffee! It’ll do your body and soul good 🙂

    • jenadk October 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

      Well if Dr. Weil says so, I say *gulp* hee hee! 🙂 And no gluten-free in my body! Bring me the chocolate, bring me the gluten…I’ll take it all. 😉

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