Should they stay or should they go

19 Apr

…if they go it may be trouble! If they stay it may be double….

Such a dork.

I know, we have so much time time time to decide this, but it’s snowing, Dave’s home from work, we’re bored and we’re discussing.

Do the kids come to Korea with us or not.

Pros:

  • Our world is changing – so is theirs.  They should be a part of it.
  • All of the traveling, pictures, sightseeing we do will be done as a family.
  • Meeting our newest family member will be done as a family.
  • I’ve been hearing some instances where the new child has an easier transition seeing little people with the big mean parents who are taking her from everything she knows. (Sniff, sniff – more on that later.)
  • It will be a trip of a lifetime! Why wouldn’t we want to bring them?

Cons:

  • 14 hour flight.  They asked us about 27 times if we were almost there on our 4 hour flight to Mexico.
  • Jet lag.  Seoul is 14 hours ahead of us.  It’s one thing having Dave and I exhausted to the bone in an unknown territory, but to add in the exhaustion of 2 kids who might be waking up at midnight ready for a meal….
  • Grief of our baby.  Because Korea’s children live in foster homes instead of orphanages, they are a family.  A family with a mom, dad and maybe other children.  This child has lived with them and know them as nothing less than their mom and dad.  It’s a very sad thing and most often they have such a hard time of it.  Just one recent posting on a Korean forum said her baby cried for 10 hours straight the first night.  
  • Flying home.  If our baby cries the entire flight (hope not, but it has been known to happen!) that will be hard, hard, hard for the boys.
  • Jet lag coming home.  Our kids will miss school for traveling time, and they say that you should expect 1 day for every hour difference to adjust when you get home.  They might find it hard to adjust when we get home and struggle going to school right away.

Then again, another pro of them staying home would be that when we get home and are completely jetlagged, trying to catch up, they will still have their school to get them up and out while we adjust a bit.  But then again, we promised them that if they wanted to stay home, they could miss a few days of school when their sister comes home.

So much to think about.  I want them to go so bad, but I don’t know what’s best.  I’m not worried about food or sleeping as Seoul is a very modern country and there are many options I know they’ll be comfortable with.  And meeting our daughter, their sister, and having them there to be a part of that would be an amazing thing for THEM, too.  A memory they will never ever forget.

Thoughts?

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5 Responses to “Should they stay or should they go”

  1. The Richardson Family April 19, 2011 at 8:41 pm #

    That is a tough decision. We have 4 little ones and my husband will be staying home with them while my mom and I travel. My children were going crazy on the 5 hour flight to Hawaii, I cant imagine our 10 hour flight to Korea! Also, we just cant afford it. My husband has been overseas and I have not so he decided it would be a great experience for my mom and I to have together. Well, this probably isn't very helpful but just wanted to share. πŸ™‚

  2. Trish April 21, 2011 at 5:40 pm #

    Very good arguments on both side. That IS a tough decision. Some other things to consider:Pro: They will see where she came from and have a better understanding of her culture.Con: (And this is all for the parents pleasure) Allowing you to have some time to bond alone with her before and getting to know her. Once she gets home I am sure there will be very few moments of when you get time to get to know her alone. Just think of what it was like with baby #2. But then again, if you are taking time off at home when she comes back you will get that during the day while the kids are at school.Good luck with that decision. It's a big one!

  3. Alison April 24, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    that's a tough one. I would bring older kids (like my older two) but not Devin's age or younger. I would prefer just Brad and I travel. Yes, I want some alone time πŸ™‚

  4. Kathy and Laurel April 25, 2011 at 5:49 am #

    I agree with Trish – u will need that bonding time – kinda like when ur pregnant and get the child all to yourself.

  5. Donna May 6, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    I know my Jen, if you have it in your mind you want to bring them, then you'll do it! I was determined to bring Jenna. Glad I did because she was the first one Anastasia wrapped her arms around because she knew her. I thought Jenna would get a lot more out of it but in reality, it's tough! You are going to have to devote alot of time to the orphanage directors, meetings, court and visits. I really didn't like Jenna in the cars because there were no seatbelts in the back! It made me very nervous. So NOT SAFE. I don't know how Korea is though. If they let you spend alot of time with the baby, they probably won't let you leave the orphanage with her (not sure about that). Jenna only did the two weeks with us and handled it but honestly, she would have loved being home and being completly spoiled by my mother! My mother left for the entire month for Florida so that was not an option. Also for me, jet lag lasted about 3-4 days. Ukraine had a 8 hour difference.

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